Monday, August 16, 2004

Another Reason That It Sucks To Be An Artist

It is emotionally exhausting to keep putting my work out there in the hopes that something will pan out.

Professionally speaking, I've been feeling kind of discouraged, lately. The goals that I set for this year have not yielded much fruit, so I am trying to set some new goals.

Each attempt takes total commitment. Like romance. Like dating. You invest all of your heart, soul, body and energy. You put your future on the line.

You put your self on the line.

Afterwards, when the phone doesn't ring, it's very, very bad.

Just like dating.

You spend a lot of time in self-doubt: Did I try too hard? Not hard enough?

Why don't they want me?

I'm supposed to be in a group show this Fall. With any luck, I'll have the paintings ready on time.

Then, on the night of the opening, I'll show up in my best cocktail wear and stand around for an hour and a half with a glass of white wine warming in my hand.

I'll hover around my paintings, seeking approval. For them. For myself.

Like I said...it's a lot like dating.